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Major Richard Carr-Gomm OBE Obituary, 1922 - 2008
Guards officer who abandoned his career to devote his life to helping the lonely and the elderly.
Richard Culling Carr-Gomm, was born, the third of four boys at Mancetter Lodge, near Atherstone, Warwickshire, a country house belonging to his mother's parents.
On his father's side Richard came from a notable family with estates in South London. His grandfather was chairman of the London Hospital where he befriended John Merrick, the "Elephant Man" who had been touring the country as a sideshow attraction. He was given a home at the hospital where he died in 1890 when one night his head slipped off the pillow and broke his neck with its weight.
He went to Stowe boarding school and then enlisted in a young solidier's battalion until old enough to join the family regiment, the Coldstream Guards, in 1941.
He saw action in Normandy. His tank was too heavy to go ashore until a month after D-Day. Half his face was shot off, requiring a beard for the rest of his life.
In 1955 he resigned his commission and bought a house in South London for four lonely old people where he became the housekeeper, dubbed "The Scrubbing Major" by the press . One elderly relative wrote saying that she "hoped I'd feel better soon and would return to London to do some serious work."
From a small house with an outhouse and cold water Abbeyfield now has a presence in 16 countries with 881 Houses and over 9,000 residents. In the over 50 years since Abbeyfield was founded, the original guiding principles have remained the same but the houses have changed. Today houses have ensuite apartments and modern design features for warmth and comfort. A House for 10-15 residents experiencing loneliness gives them a sense of belonging and a balance between privacy and independence.
Carr-Gomm had a strong link with Canada. His wife, who pre-deceased him, was evacuated with a brother and sister to Victoria, BC. The first House in Canada was opened in Sidney, BC, in 1987. There are now 29 Houses and ten planned or being built. On his visits to Canada, Richard would stay at Abbeyfield Houses and spend as much time as possible with the residents. This was also HRH The Prince of Wales, Abbeyfield's Royal Patron's practice when he visited the Abbeyfield House in Ottawa. When Richard was in Ontario, he took some soil from the Toronto House to the Town of Durham, Ontario, where a House was being built.
A past chair of Abbeyfield St Andrew's Sidney, BC remembers his visit: he drove Richard Carr-Gomm out to St. Andrews for a visit. During the drive, I gather, Richard told our former Chair that he had been approached by MI5 to see if he could set up an Abbeyfield for their spies! Our chair thought at first he was joking but the conversation that continued did not lead him to believe he was. But I guess it never materialized or we may have heard more about it.
On the other hand, spies being what they are, it may well exist and none of us know about it except perhaps Richard did!! Board members all commented on his humbleness, and his visit with all the residents of St. Andrews at the time.
A home for retired spies would have made this his fourth Society. He was voted out of Abbeyfield in the 1960s for what I would call his infection with the Sermon on the Mount, but he then founded the Carr-Gomm Society for the lonely of all ages. His third Society was the Morpeth Society for what he called "Rothchilds"; taking the view that loneliness applied also to the very rich.
One should not think of this man as a humble saint. At an anniversary service at the cathedral in St Albans he was seen walking back and forth outside after the service. Susan, his wife, was asked what was wrong. "Oh, he's in a sulk because his name wasn't mentioned."
Their home in Batheaston, Somerset, sheltered an amazing range of people including Stalin's daughter Svetlana who "loved her father even though he had killed 40 million people." To retain her anonymity he moved her from Abbeyfield House to House. Another friend was King Freddie, the Kabaka of Buganda after being deposed by the president of Uganda, Milton Obote. They both had served in the Coldstream Guards.
He died on October 27, 2008, aged 86, after a fall near his home.
See also: weblog of a Carr-Gomm relative
